Why IVF Sucks
Before starting the first IVF cycles, I read about the treatment protocols - investigative ultrasounds, injections, egg pick ups, transfers etc. I thought I knew all about how the cycle would proceed and what I should expect at various stages. I thought, given my fear of needles, all I had to worry about were the various injections. How naive I was!
I am wiser now. The painful injections are just small irritants in the IVF universe. The real shit are things I never imagined:
1. My body has a new cover now. It is called body hair. Don't gasp yet. Wait till I add facial hair to the mix!
2. This new body cover has another companion. It is called acne. And it is gross. In my teenage years, I was never able to understand the fuss my peers made about their acne. Now I know. Now I seek forgiveness for my lack of empathy.
3. I try to befriend the hairy, acne covered stranger who stares back from the mirror. But, wait a minute. What is with the sudden outburst of tears? Why does the stranger looks like the world has just turned upside down? Why is this stranger in such a low emotional state?
4. Every time I enter the ultrasound room for the TVS or the OT for the transfers, I have this feeling at the bottom of my stomach - well I tried my best to describe that but can not put it in words. How do you describe what you feel when you are on display, under the strongest of focussed lights? I know baby making involves undressing. I would have gladly done that in my bedroom with the man I love. Not with a technician holding the magic wand and his supporters ready to do their bit.
5. By the way, did I mention undressing? For making love? Well, the DH carries out the u dressing duties. But only to give the hormonal shot.
6. My know-it-all and able-to-everything DH has suddenly become this inept creature who just doesn't know what to do - about my mood swings, about my sore bottom and about my aching heart. He just sits there helpless. And then retreats into his shell.
7. I know that I should relax, especially during the 2 ww. But I can't. All I can think of are two words - BFP and BFN.
So. here I am. with my newly-acquired about IVF. I wish that I do not get anything more
to add to this list.
