Welcome Baby!

Dear Baby,

This is my first letter to you.

Hope you like your new home and are nestled comfortably inside me. I think I see a faint smile on your baby lips! And you should see the broad smile on my mommy lips!

So often I have dreamed of this day. Even struggled to reach here. Few times I was almost on the brink of giving up the struggle to reach you. But then, I guess you pulled me on. I could almost feel the touch of your soft skin. And got the strength to carry on this journey.

So, here we are. Both of us. Together.

Rest my baby. And keep growing up.

I have not written for several months now. In fact I think that my last blog post was about a year ago.
A lot happened during this time.
And the most significant thing is that after a lot of delays and repeated cancellations, I had my 3rd IVF cycle in the month of September. 

And today, on October 28, 2014, I am in the 8th week of my pregnancy !!

Finally, it has happened. I have conceived and Our baby is growing up happily inside me. The baby's little heart has started beating! I could just die of happiness at this very moment.

Sometimes it seems so surreal, given the path I have travelled so far.  I am afraid to share the news, afraid to celebrate. Although I now have a glimpse of my family, the family I have helped create. I guess it would take some more time for this happiness to really sink in.
Along with happiness, I have another feeling. The feeling of pride at my courage to face this third cycle. At one point in time, early this year, I had debated whether the body and mind can bear another cycle. I had debated whether this physical and emotional suffering was worth it. Somehow I carried on. And when the cycle actually started, I went into this zone where I was not concerned about anything or anybody else. I was just carrying myself forward, one day at a time.

And here I have arrived, simultaneously afraid and happy. One moment I can easily visualize playing with our baby and the other moment I am anxious about carrying and delivering the baby. But I guess this state of confusion and fear would be there in several women. More so in women who have struggled to reach this point.

So, with prayer in my heart, I carry on.