I have not written for several months now. In fact I think
that my last blog post was about a year ago.
A lot happened during this time.
And the most significant thing is that after a lot of delays and repeated cancellations, I had my 3rd IVF cycle in the month of September.
And today, on October 28, 2014, I am in the 8th week of my pregnancy !!
Finally, it has happened. I have conceived and Our baby is growing up happily inside me. The baby's little heart has started beating! I could just die of happiness at this very moment.
Sometimes it seems so surreal, given the path I have travelled so far. I am afraid to share the news, afraid to celebrate. Although I now have a glimpse of my family, the family I have helped create. I guess it would take some more time for this happiness to really sink in.
Along with happiness, I have another feeling. The feeling of pride at my courage to face this third cycle. At one point in time, early this year, I had debated whether the body and mind can bear another cycle. I had debated whether this physical and emotional suffering was worth it. Somehow I carried on. And when the cycle actually started, I went into this zone where I was not concerned about anything or anybody else. I was just carrying myself forward, one day at a time.
A lot happened during this time.
And the most significant thing is that after a lot of delays and repeated cancellations, I had my 3rd IVF cycle in the month of September.
And today, on October 28, 2014, I am in the 8th week of my pregnancy !!
Finally, it has happened. I have conceived and Our baby is growing up happily inside me. The baby's little heart has started beating! I could just die of happiness at this very moment.
Sometimes it seems so surreal, given the path I have travelled so far. I am afraid to share the news, afraid to celebrate. Although I now have a glimpse of my family, the family I have helped create. I guess it would take some more time for this happiness to really sink in.
Along with happiness, I have another feeling. The feeling of pride at my courage to face this third cycle. At one point in time, early this year, I had debated whether the body and mind can bear another cycle. I had debated whether this physical and emotional suffering was worth it. Somehow I carried on. And when the cycle actually started, I went into this zone where I was not concerned about anything or anybody else. I was just carrying myself forward, one day at a time.
And here I have arrived, simultaneously afraid and happy. One moment I can easily visualize playing with our baby and the other moment I am anxious about carrying and delivering the baby. But I guess this state of confusion and fear would be there in several women. More so in women who have struggled to reach this point.
So, with
prayer in my heart, I carry on.
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