Yesterday An acquaintance of mine said that after few years of marriage, the spouses talk more with children and less with each other. I was about to blurt out "but what about couples who don't have kids?" Fortunately I kept my mouth shut.
But I have been thinking about that comment. About how my marriage has changed over the years, where we stand as a couple now and what would the future be.
In the initial few years, we used to love each other passionately. And of course used to fight with equal passion. Sometimes we used to get nasty, but that was always short lived. And making up after each fight was divine. It felt as if our relationship used to be born again - fresh, rejuvenated, passionate, happy and totally content with each other.
Now we rarely fight. But there is always this simmering undercurrent of irritation, with each other or maybe with life in general. It is the mother of all cold wars.
Is it because our relationship has not yet progressed to the next natural level of creating and nurturing children? Is it because we are still a "couple" and not really a "family"? I take that as a probable reason because I know we love each other. So, why despite there being love in our hearts, the loving and caring has been replaced by indifference or irritation?
Or was the indifference always there and I just failed to notice it ? It is that my struggles with fertility has made me so needy of affection that lack of same disturbs me so much?
I don't know the reason. What I want to know is how to stop look for any support, gather my own strength and move on.
Both of us want a baby. And we may no longer feel the love towards each other but I know both of us would madly love our baby.
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